This stuff isn't just sunshines and unicorns, I tell ya. There are other fun aspects, too, to this preg-o stuff...
Like being exhausted. Feeling tired all the time, or ALMOST all the time. Feeling like I can never get into bed and get enough sleep. OR feeling like I try to get to sleep, but I toss and turn all night and have vivid, creepy dreams. I'm already a kind of night owl in some respects and it's been really hard to adjust to my new work schedule. Top that off with being tired all the time lately from the joys of motherhood and you've got a walking zombie who wants to pass out at 9 p.m. each night.
And I feel like a giant, fat blob. Yep, already. My body hasn't really gone up in sizes (besides my ever increasing bust), but I still feel like I'm on my way to Moby Dick country. This is backed up by fluctuating between not wanting to eat anything at all and being grossed out by food and finding myself scarfing down everything in site. It differs on a day-to-day basis.
I also feel pretty isolated. None of my friends are recently knocked up, so I feel like a lone ranger. It's good that I have friends with young children, they're a great help. But I find myself hanging around people and feeling like I'm being treated differently or I'm all of a sudden in a new category because of being knocked up. And I guess I am. But it's still a bit wierd.
And then there's the fact that work is in its busiest week ever right now, a hell week of sorts. Tons of large projects converge this week, big plans are coming to fruition and it seems like everyone thinks there's like four of me instead of one. I keep saying, "no," but I feel like no one is listening.
I just want to go home, curl up, cry and fall asleep.
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4 comments:
I would recommend going home, curl up, cry, have something comforting to eat, take a warm bath (if you can) and go to bed early. Grab a cat and a husband for snuggling, if you can.
It will get better, I promise! This is all still really new to you and to your body. You'll get good at saying no and taking time for yourself. I found the only way to get through that first trimester was to sleep through it. I know it goes against everything we are taught about being responsible, productive individuals, but gosh darnit, you are building another human being!!! Sleep is essential, especially during those first few months. Whenever I felt nauseous but couldn't bring myself to eat, I would sleep instead. It allowed the time to pass without as much agony. Call me if you want to vent!
thanks for the feedback, darlings. I'm trying to work through it, but it's just so danged hard. I'm finding that I need to just cut stuff out from my schedule, which is hard, because I'm a crazy busy gal.
I just have to breathe.
I remember that feeling. I was the only one of my friends knocked up, too. I felt like they were handling me with kid gloves or treating me like an alien. It was weird. And now, since I still have friends who've never had kids or don't want to have kids, they sometimes treat me with this weird respect thing - it's not really respect, but it's all "Well, you're a mama", as if that makes me some other species or something. I mean, yes, I've been pregnant and given birth and there's a small person walking around that shares DNA with me and stuff, but I'm still Toya. And you're still Brooke. And all this will even out - trust me.
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