I pee when I sneeze...

This is serious, people. I now know, in some ways, how poor, dear, old people feel when they pee themselves. Because, though I do it quite minimally, thankyouverymuch, I have at time sneezed so hard lately that I pee myself.

I would like to blame the fact that I can't use any high powered allergy meds right now and that our lovely little Maryland seems hell bent on making pollen like it's a factory. So, I find myself sneezing so frequently and so hard, while at the same time chanting "no peeing this time no peeing this time!"

Ok, I'm not gonna lie. It's FUNNY! I have a terrible sense of humor, so I keep finding it hysterically funny for me to be in this boat. I mean, it's not enough pee that it's uber gross, just enough that it's comical. But still... it's one trait of pregnancy that I could probably do without.

a little sigh of relief...

It has been a weird few days. The whole AFP test and the shock that resulted thereafter has put me on a rollercoaster of emotions from terrified to dismal to hopeful to calm. If you can tell from my progression of descriptors there, I am in a much better state than I was on Friday, thank goodness. It's an odd story, but a good one.

So, on Friday I had the amniocentesis. Though the procedure itself was way less traumatic than I thought, though the stress of the whole process was killer. To go from feeling pretty good about your pregnancy to being thrown into the world of maybe-your-kid-has-downs to now-you-have-to-get-a-needle-put-in-your-womb within less than a twenty four hour period is a bit trying. However, I trust my doctor completely and knew that the amnio and all the tests were necessary and that he wouldn't put me through that mess without cause. I got thorough it, came home, cried my eyes out a bunch and did some work to distract myself.

One really interesting moment to note was that the first time I felt the baby move was when I was sobbing on our bed on Friday, a nervous wreck. I was all sorts of snotty/crying and then I felt this odd movement in my belly. I stopped crying and realized it was the baby. It was totally a Tim's Kid moment... I could just hear the kid going, "why the heck are you crying, woman? I'm FINE! Chill!" I stopped crying and felt a bit better, though also found myself wondering if I'm delusional.

Then on Saturday, we had to get up at 5 a.m. again to go in for another ominous visit with the doc. We weren't sure exactly what we were in for, as the doc only really said, "Hey. Can you meet me tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m.?" Fearing the worst, we got ourselves up and went back to Annapolis for the second day in a row.

When we got there, the doc had me do another ultrasound where he checked the baby, mentioning how it's very active (which is good) and my fluid levels were back up from the amnio. He then asked if we wanted to know the sex, whether he had already told us the sex yesterday (he's a bit absent minded professor/has a million patients he sees) to which we replied no, he hadn't told us and yes, we'd like to know. He pokes around a bit with the u/s, then points out the two lines where the genitals are... apparently, we're having a girl (girls have two lines on u/s, boys have the infamous Turtle Head).

Then he gets up to leave, saying, "any questions for me?" At this point, I wanted to say, "hell YEAH I got questions!" Instead, I asked if he noticed any of the physical markers of downs that, through my internet sleuthing, should be apparent by this time in the pregnancy. To which, he looked at me, a bit surprised, and said, "oh no. The baby's fine! I checked the neck- no webbing, the head is the right size, no shortened femurs, no holes in the heart or liver. The baby's just fine. Oh, but I have to remember to call you in two weeks so you don't worry..." The best thing was that he looked confused as to why we'd be worried about the baby, but it wasn't in a jerk way... more of a that's so silly kind of way. He then walked away, said goodbye and was off. Tim and I high-fived each other, hugged and I felt like a huge weight was off my chest.

Sure, it's not 90 percent sure, like the amnio results will be. But something about the experience made me think, "of COURSE the baby is fine. This is all going to be fine." I felt like I was finally going through the worst possible outcome and stepping into calm, tranquil waters. And I'm deciding to stay there, whether I have "concrete evidence" or not.

UPDATE: AFP TEST

Going in tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. to have an amnio done, just to ease my mind. I'm kind of a wimp about needles and whatnot, but it seems like the smartest thing to do, considering the wacky test results.

Wish me luck!

Tests Part One: AFP

So, just got my test results back from my AFP (AlphaFetoProtein) test and though things didn't come back horribly they didn't come back perfect. Though I tested fine for spinabifida and anencephaly, my test results came back a bit low for downs syndrome (1:258, which is close to the 1:250 cut off of suggest follow-up amniocentesis). Now I know I shouldn't get all worried because I've already read up on how these AFP tests aren't the most conclusive tests ever and all, but I'm still a wreck. I just wish I had answers and had 'em now! Though I can say to myself that I'm the type who will love this child no matter what, that doesn't stop me from being a worry wart freak who wants to know every little detail they can so they can be prepared.

So, I'm going to talk to my doc this afternoon about getting an amnio asap. I found out they'll do a level II ultrasound (one that's very in-depth and can show markers for down's). Just talked to my doc and they're trying to work me in tomorrow for amnio/ultrasound, since he doesn't want me to worry about it for too long. I'm SO SCARED of needles, but, as my sister said, "at least this way you'll know and let's face it... you're already gonna be tearin' out your vagina and ass for this kid, so a needle is NOTHIN!"

Wish me luck! I'm sure it'll all be good, but man... I am SO NERVOUS for now :(

The Boppy Factor

Working on the new baby registry (it's in the sidebar on the right, if you're bored and want to see all the crazy crap I clicked on in my spend-a-holic fashion), I have come to the point where I am finding the most ridiculous of items enchanting.

For instance, Boppys (semicircular pillows used to prop up babies during feeding), receiving blankets (like I even had a clue that those existed pre-baby) and bizarre baby clothes.

The best of which I've found so far are these crazy ladybug pants. Just look at em! Admire the craziness of the footies, the hot-pink leggings and funky dots. I LOVE THEM.



Boy or girl, the damned kid is wearing em! MUHAHAHAHAHA

the art of chilling the hell out

My life has such irony at times, it kills me. I feel like I'm wonderful at telling my friends and family to stop carrying around so much stress, that stress is harmful to the body. I can sit down, listen to their fears and give advice on sleep, yoga, meditation and such, but I can't seem to take my own medicine.

I've been a stress ball lately. I'm stressed because I feel un-pregnant, if that makes sense. Now that I'm in the second trimester and am past most of the sickness and fatigue (still have some heartburn and nausea once in a while), I don't have any of the hard, physical evidence of being pregnant. Not unless you count my lack of fitting into any of my pants anymore, which is something, I guess. Seriously, I know it's crazy to complain about feeling ok, but I just feel so nervous that everything isn't going well. Why? Probably my past miscarriage PTSD mixed with my general trait of being a worry-wort. I know it doesn't really make sense, but that doesn't mean I'm being practical about it. I'm just a ball o stress for no apparent reason.

Last night at yoga, my teacher gave this great speech on fear. It was started off by a reading from "The Daily OM" and then progressed into her own talk about what we go through as women with pregnancy. She emphasized how it's totally normal to go from being elated to terrified, unsure about yourself to feeling like a superwoman. I just wish I felt a little more like a superwoman than a super-wuss lately.

Just had another doc appointment this morning, for which I was nervous as sin. Why? No reason, really. Just my run-of-the-mill fear. Everything went well, of course and I even got to hear the heartbeat again.

Best thing ever about today was having the doc search for the heartbeat, find it, only to have the baby move to evade the doppler. The doc kept making funny remarks like, "your baby sure is active!" and "your kid is a prankster! It's avoiding me on purpose!" It made me smile a lot to think of having an asshole kid already.

When I told my mom about it, she replied, "uh-huh. See! It's already not listening to a word you say."

It was the perfect response. I am back to smiling now and dreaming of loose-fitting maternity pants.