Conflicting Information, Yoga Style.

I will come right out and say that I don't believe in the whole, "pregnant ladies are fragile things," bullcrap. Sure, you probably should keep up a karate practice or play football, but not every activity is dangerous. There is still plenty of stuff a woman can do. We are not relegated to staying home, sitting on the couch and protecting ourselves from the world.

I've had some people be surprised that I am still bellydancing and teaching during my pregnancy. I've fielded more than a few questions about shimmies, belly rolls and their safety to the baby. To that, I can only respond that women have been doing much more vigorous things than bellydance since the dawn of time. Also, bellydance does not incur any impact to the womb, nor does shimmying dislodge the placenta (which someone actually, honestly was worried about for me). Sure, you're shaking and moving, but it's not high impact and I trust my doctor and other bellydancing mom's words on this.

With that said, I really didn't expect for Yoga to be another physical activity where I'd receive conflicting information. As soon as I got pregnant, I started reading up on prenatal yoga and safety issues. I even consulted my doctor and health professionals as well, asking what, if anything, should be avoided. Most told me that yoga was fine, as long as I stopped doing really vigorous/fast yoga (vinyasa flow, stayed away from inversions and honored my body. I enrolled in a prenatal class by week 8 and altered my home practice to reflect these changes.

Let me state that I have been really happy for my prenatal yoga class. Though the pace is much slower and the movements are not as intense, it's really good to be doing poses that will not over-stretch my body and learn the modifications I will need when I'm further along. There also are a lot of good techniques being taught to manage breathing, finding peace and relieving stress during labor. And finally, the ability to see women up to 39 weeks pregnant doing these poses and being SO STRONG is really inspiring. So, prenatal yoga = awesome.

Enter the conflict. I went to a class, at the studio I've attended for years, taught by my friend and her yoga teacher training class. It was all pretty basic, no amazingly challenging or inverted asanas. I told one of the other students upon entering the classroom that I was pregnant and yes, I knew how to modify poses or wouldn't attempt poses that could be harmful to me. She seemed a bit of an alarmist and was really stressing that I shouldn't do twists or inversions, to which I told her that I'd consulted my prenatal teacher and was aware of what I could and couldn't do, but thanks for the tips. This started me already feeling like I was being treated as an outsider, a fragile thing, a woman who didn't know how to respect or honor her own body.

Throughout the class, I felt more than comfortable with the poses. I've been doing yoga for over eight years now and I have a pretty good grasp of most poses this studio teachers. Also, my background in dance and anatomy has given me confidence that I know which movements are not good for me and when to hold back in a pose. So, I went through the class having a good time, observing these soon-to-be yoga teachers and, from the perspective of a teacher myself, noting where they could improve and where they were rocking. I was, after my first instance, starting to feel like I was a part of the class again and not "the pregnant lady" that was being carefully watched.

Then, when my friend was leading triangle pose, one of the veteran teachers in the studio came to me and said, "when we get to the twists, I'd like you to not do them." This baffled me, as we've been doing twists throughout prenatal yoga and it's not been anything that had a red flag over it. Her telling me that made me upset and started me questioning my prenatal teacher in my mind. Why am I not supposed to twist? Why am I not allowed to do something which, for weeks, I've been told as fine and my doctors have approved as safe? Why does all the literature I read, save some people on the internet (which are NOT reliable) say twisting is just fine, as long as it's not intense? I was really off during the rest of the class and felt like my wishes and experiences were not being honored.

Then, after the class, I spoke to the teacher and asked her about it. She explained to me that the first trimester is very risky (duh) and that she didn't want me getting into a twist that compromised my uterus and caused an issue, like the detatching of the placenta (note: I informed her that I was just over 10 weeks, well after the placenta has attached to the uterine wall. So this is a non-issue at this point). Also, that she was worried the students wouldn't correct me if I was in a bad place. I then explained to her that my prenatal teacher knew how far along I was and never brought up that twists were an issue. She replied that they were really bad to do during the first trimester and that my teacher shouldn't be having me do twists. I thanked her for explaining her thoughts to me, though it made me even more annoyed.

Because, basically, you just totally negated years of trust that I had in your studio. You just told me that the prenatal teacher in YOUR studio has been harming me for weeks. Not good. I just told you that she's known how far along I am from the beginning and you told me, "well, she shouldn't have had you doing twists." So, what does that tell me, the consumer coming to your studio? It tells me that the left hand doesn't know, or agree, with what the right hand is doing.

I'm not quitting prenatal yoga because I honestly don't believe this other teacher is right. I came home, re-consulted my trusted sources and all of them said it's fine to do twisting during yoga, even during the first trimester, as long as it's not intense. I also trust the prenatal teacher as she's specialized in this and taught for years, and hell... most of the ladies in our class have stuck through their entire time. I met a woman my first class who started coming at six weeks and lord knows she's fine. So, I'm going to keep taking this class because I know it's good for me because I'm feeling great. And twists will be perfectly healthy for me because I'm not some fragile flower and I trust a group of professionals from different backgrounds and their knowledge. Most of all I'll keep on because it makes me feel good.

But I'll tell ya, I'm going to be writing a letter to the director of the studio. Because this incident has made me feel a bit unsettled about their studio. How am I supposed to feel when I was feeling good and without stress, than another teacher tells me that someone they employ is doing me harm?

No Bueno!

Things the Baby Likes- 1st Trimester Edition

Since I am on an upswing from my past few days of awful-feeling (I think this is because I switched to taking my prenatal vitamin at night for a few days and it was wonking up my stomach, now that I switched back to morning...all good), I figured I'd post a list of the foods that I've been craving. Just for fun/archival purposes:

Hearty Chicken Noodle Cup o'Soup
Veggie Noodle Cup o'Soup
Plantain Chips
Fruit Smoothies
Vanilla Milkshakes
Fruit Salad- plain, no sugar or additives
Water
Baby Tomatoes
Multi-grain Flatbread
Berries of all sorts
Bananas
Ginger Brew
Eggplant Curry
Mango Nectar
Plain Tortilla Chips
Zazz
Milk
Cereal
Boring Cheese
Baked French Fries
Brown Rice with Butter
Watermelon
Baked Potatoes with Sour Cream

Things the baby hates

Aged Cheese (this kills me. But even the smell of a good paremsan makes me ill)
Meat of any sort, even fish (except for the chicken pieces in my Cup o'Soup)
Greasy, fried food
Rich Desserts (I tried, but man, this gets me)
Mexican Food
Coffee (I still drink some in the morning to stave off headache, but I don't like it)
Cream-based soups
Sandwiches (tried egg salad the other day... YUK)


I keep thinking about some funny survivalist theory about what I don't want to eat right now. Like the baby distrusts the safety of Mexican food and knows that meat may have a high chance of food-poisoning, or something. Also, that sandwiches are inherently evil.

:)

Hooray for Greener Living!

The Green Revolution going around lately is so rockin my world for baby stuff. I feel so empowered as a mum-to-be to be able to have easy, eco-friendly options for raising my kids. I just want to do a slo-mo 70s jump in the air!

My newest find is gDiapers, diapers that "dissolve" in the toilet with a reusable outer shell. While I still plan on doing mostly cloth, these little suckers seem like an awesome alternative for days when I just don't feel like cleaning off a pad/ having poopy diapers around.

I shall add this to my STIMULATIN' THE ECONOMY list of stuff to buy with that gubment money check!

Dear Baby

Please stop making me nauseous. I know I'm lucky and that I haven't had it that bad... but please. Please, please, please just let me feel fine.

I feel so grody today, with the only respite being the Heath Bar and Cake Batter milkshake I had a half hour ago. That sure soothed me for like fifteen minutes, then put me back in green-face land.

:( sniff sniff...

please?

PS- also, work your magic with the universe and stop the women's bathroom at work from smelling like melted cheese of some sort. It's wrong.

Your friend,

Yo Momma

2:30 am

I got up at 2:30 am because I had to pee like crazy and was dying for a bowl of red berries cereal.

I haven't posted too much on this, but I used to HATE cereal. Tim loves it. So, now that I crave it like all the time, I blame Tim and tell him that, "his baby" is forcing me to like cereal. I actually don't mind it, but it's fun to rag on him.

Now that I'm sated in both things, it's time to go back to bed.

Eco Momma: Born Free Bottles

I am intrigued by these Born Free baby bottles. I will admit that I have read up a bit on the concerns regarding traditional bottles, but I keep trying to shush it away as me being paranoid... which I kind of am. And a spazz. But we're not here to evaluate me. Are we? hehe...

Anyways, I have recently joined The Nest Baby's Eco Family board and am now in the midst of a full-scale eco-friendly parenting revolution. Several people were trumpeting the Born Free line, especially the glass bottles (who knew?). They're pretty expensive, but definitely worth it if they don't give your baby icky cancer and infertility. Am pondering stimulating the economy in a few months by purchasing cloth diapers and born-free bottles, then sitting back and sighing in satisfaction at what a hip, eco-chic mom I am.

NOTE: part of why I have this blog is so that I can look back at my wide-eyed idealism after I've popped out the kid and see how many of my soap boxes I am still standing on...

Cloth Diapering

I am an idealistic first time mom who is probably biting off more than she can chew, here. But I want to try to do almost 100 percent cloth diapering. I am a proud hippy, defender of the environment and eco-crusader, of sorts. For those reasons, I really am against using commercial diapers for our children. Just the idea of the environmental impact that commercial diapers have is astounding. However, we're not too gutsy to think we can go 100 percent cloth diaper, since we may have times where we're begging our family to take the baby for a night or two and don't want to be a pain in the butt. So, we're thinking about having small amounts of commercial diapers on us for those times and using cloth diapers for the majority of the time.



So, I'm in the market for a good cloth diapering service, as well as any advice people have on cloth diapering successfully. I've taken the first steps, but I still feel really daunted by it all. It's so much information to deal with! All-in-ones, wool overnight pants to hinder leaks, cloth diaper covers, pre-folded or not pre-folded??? I feel a bit lost, here. It's tough.

I found one cloth diaper service in the area that I plan to call and check out, Modern Diaper Service. Their site says it's only $17/week for 60 diapers, which seems really good from the pricing I've done on commercial diapers. But most of my family has always done the regular old diaper route, so I'm so unfamiliar with all this.

Eco friendly friends? Any help?

raspberry!

Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

that loveliness was brought to you by my new favorite mommy site, [The Nest] baby! It's a great resource online and I just LOVE how the chat boards actually get some hits. From one of said chat boards, I found out that it is perfectly acceptable to buy some bellybands and start using them now, when my pants are just starting to get snug. Since most of the weight you put on in the first trimester isn't fat so much as water/blood gain, I don't want to spend dough on new pants when I can just buy a band or two, unbutton them pants and keep the pants I have now. YAY!

Off to the mall in an hour to go buy a bra (hopefully) and some bands at Motherhood Maternity.

first sonogram!

There's the larvae, in all its glory! In the right hand corner, you can see the gestation amount (6w6d) and the estimated birthday of October 25, 2008! Yay another Scorpio beh beh!

Knitting Dreams

On Saturday and Sunday, I revived my Viveka sweater project that was accumulating dust. Being preggers does that to you. It makes you think you're invincible, like some amazing superhero while at the same time urging you on with the odd survival mindset that says, "you've GOT to learn to follow through with things. You're going to have a little person who will need you to follow through all the time, so it's time to train up and be ready for the big game." So, all the little things I neglected are becoming to-do items, whether it be because I feel like a Mighty Mom-to-be or because I feel I need to start getting my crap together.

For whatever reason, I'm back in the game. I have the second sleeve nearly done, then it's on to the body. It's a fairly simple pattern for a first sweater, so I think I'll do fine.

On the same note, I've been looking up patterns for baby stuff, since I will be a beached whale for part of this whole process and I'd like to make some stuff for the kid. Knitty has a wealth of awesome kids stuff, so I have a bunch to choose from. Right now, my favorites are these cute cargo pants, this really cute cabled pull-over, this ever so precious hat , this grow with me top and these cute booties.

The only hard thing is that MOST of the knitty stuff is so girl-centric... what if I have a boy? Well, he'll just have to be really comfy with his manhood, because he will have SOME of these ridiculous pieces anyways. Plus, I can modulate some of them to be more manly. Slap a boat anchor on it or something :)

Knittin

Etsy is the best place

I love Etsy so much that I could ask it to marry me, if I weren't married already (and it wasn't an internet site). But seriously, it's the best thing I've discovered on the web in years. Just the ability to connect with so many independent artists and get all sorts of goodies for great prices is just fabulous.

My most recent purchase for mommyhood has been to get a good cocoa butter stick for the impending boobs and soon to be expanding belly. Not to mention, my cracking feet (sorry to go there) because I'm a dancer and beat the crap out of my poor piggies.

Anyways, for the longest time, I have had one of The Body Shop's cocoa butter sticks on hand for my dry winter skin. I feel in love with these back when I used to assistant manage there and no one would buy them. I always felt like they were the unsung hero of the shop. Well, that is not so anymore. I went in to get one last night and they were all sold out. Strike that. They are going to be all sold out for MONTHS! Yeah! The girl working there told me that they were being bought up like crazy and would be out of stock for months! Crazy.

So, I did what any savvy Brooke would do and hit the net. I figured that Etsy had to have some solid cocoa butter that I could buy to tide me over. Well, not only did I find some solid cocoa butter, I found a seller who has a triple butter stick that has cocoa butter, shea butter, mango butter and squalene (shark liver extract, rich in antioxidants). And, to boot, she has like a million fragrances you cann add to it. And finally, it's close to 1/3 of the price of The Body Shop's stick (and I could buy close to eight of these for the price of the l'occitaine shea butter tin I saw at Sephora yesterday, eep!). Rock on!

I got it in Mata Hari scent, which is totally up my alley...

Mata Hari- an intriguing fragrance that starts off with Javanese Sandalwood, French vanilla bean which is then mixed with cedar and oak moss this highlights the fragrance’s silky smooth notes and heightens your mood.

I hope this stick works as well as The Body Shop's... I don't see why it shouldn't, as it has similar ingredients. I'll let you know how it works out. It's hard, knowing that my body will get all big and preggers, to shop for beauty products, as I oscillate between feeling so sexy and then big fatty blah. But I'm going to try to make it a priority to get stuff that makes me feel cute and hot all through this process, so I can own cute mammahood.

oddly enough

Told my boss at work today about the larvae. Instead of being stressed about my leaving, she gave me a big hug and kept telling me how happy she is for me and the hubs. She's also a mom and just a kick-ass boss, so I don't know why I was expecting a negative reaction. I guess it's just that I'm such a career driven gal that I was worried that I had somehow upset my goals or would let everyone down by being away for a few months. I know that's CRAZY, but that's me for ya. Anyways, it went swimmingly well and I feel like I've had a huge load taken off my shoulders.

On another note, one of the gals I work with and I had a funny conversation today.
(totally paraphrased, as I have no memory)

Me: So, just wanted to tell you... I just talked to (insert Boss name) and told her some news and I wanted to tell you to. I'm seven weeks pregnant.

Co-worker: (turns to look at me, surprised look on her face) Me too.

Me: Oh, you're pregnant? How far along?

Co-worker: Seven weeks!


CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? How cool is that? I have a comrade who is not only a young chick like me, but is also due the same darned time as I am?!?!! It's so cool, it's beyond me. It's just the awesome kind of thing that life does whenever I start bitching about "poor me." I was so bummed about not knowing anyone of my friends in the vicinity being preggers (I have a friend up in VT who is much further along than I, who has been awesome with helping me get used to this whole deal... but she's not right around here, so I can't like.. hang out and get preggers clothes and baby stuff with her), then life was like... BAM. Someone else not only preggers and young like you, but the same DUE DATE and you work together! Crazy.

And that, my friends, is the latest in how freakin' cool and bizarre life is.

First Doctor's Visit- Yay Larvae!

Tim accompanied me to my first prenatal visit today. It was AMAZING. So much more awesome than words, I tell ya. It was just the best.

I have to admit that I expected it to be way more grueling than it was- I was imagining extensive pelvic exams, all sorts of gizmos, tests galore. But really, it was no more than a normal girlie visit... except for the sonogram of AWESOME.

They used a wand sonogram (since it's early on, the belly one doesn't really work as well) and showed us the larvae! Let me take a moment to say how much I LOVE TECHNOLOGY! The doc put the wand sonogram up there and first, it was just darkness and weirdness.. then, all of a sudden, there was this white blippy thing... then, he zoomed in and got more focused and WHOA! There it was! Larvae! This little white blob that vaguely looked like a little person (due to the nose, or hinting of a nose) attached with an umbilical cord! I felt so flooded with happiness and relief (since there was only one and it looked awesome) that I kept giving Tim high-fives and thumbs-up.

The doc then zoomed in and took a still, then measured the baby from butt to head. It was sooo tiny, only .87cm! The tool he used to drag and measure actually looked like the measure tool in Photoshop. But THIS measure immediately updated us with the new gestation estimate and due date.

I found out that I was wrong... I'm only 7 weeks pregg-o, so about a week or so behind what I thought... and that means the baby is due October 25th, about a week from my birthday and just about a week after Tim's birthday. So, this baby may be the great Brooke/Tim cusp baby! Sweet!

The best part was that the doctor let me take home two sonogram pictures that I promise I will scan and put on the internet very very soon (just found out my scanner is broken). I keep holding the picture, staring in wonder and just being amazed that THAT is in ME!

wacky!

siiiiiiiiiigh

now for a semi-hot bath and some sleep.

thanks, tv.

As a follow-up to yesterday, Tim and I could only howl with laughter at the synchronicity between The Simpsons episode we watched and my rant on multiples.

It was the episode where Apu's wife gave birth to octuplets.



(headdesk)

This whole crazy thing coincides with Tim and my theory that once you decide to have kids, the whole world changes and tv, radio, the internet, ALL media seems to target you with child-centric stuff. It's like we got signed up for a mailing list or something.

eep! I mean, good for you! I mean... eep.

We all know I'm crazy, right?

Right.

Ok, well because we have accepted that fact, I can now come out and tell you one weird thing about me being knocked up...

Any mention of multiple babies at once scares me. The idea of twins, triplets, or DEAR GOD anything above one kid just freaks me out. Just the idea of getting one of these suckers out of me in one sitting is freaky enough. But the thought of becoming some giant pinata full of babies, waiting to burst? NO WAY, JOSE!



I have such an aversion that I have issues just hearing about other people having them. And I know I know... I should be joyful for their luck and happy for their new, supersized family. Instead, it strikes fear in my heart for which the Psycho theme seems the only appropriate soundtrack. Like this story. OMG FOR REALZ? Really? I mean.. wow! Good for her... a 1 in 100 million chance, or something. That's neat. Oh please dear God, don't let that happen to me! Please let it just be one.

I think this crazy fear is all because I haven't gone to the doc yet and haven't had it confirmed that there is only ONE larvae in there. Once I find out that I'm a single carrier, I'm sure I'll go back to the warm fuzzies feeling when I hear about multiple births...

but right now. It's still a bit creepy.

Bouncing back aka Haramaki Love

Last night and this morning have been a 180 from the past few days. The first big thing that happened was that I GOT SLEEP. Thank god. I left work at 2:30 yesterday, went home, had some snacks, started up a batch of baked apples in the crock pot, watched Millionaire Matchmaker (one of my new fav guilty pleasure shows) and then it was NAP CITY. It wasn't until I tucked myself into bed that I realized how tired I was. I zonked out! Thanks to Timmerz for waking me up in time for rehearsal.

Let me say that there are few things in this world better than waking up to the smell of baked apples. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I gorged myself on appley goodness, then headed off to dance practice. Dance went wonderfully last night, with Nora giving me a big old hug when I saw her to help balance out my rough day. I led them through the drills I have my students do to get us warmed up, then we worked extensively on sword work. The neat thing about us and swords is that all three of us have different classes/experience with sword work, so we have this nice amalgam to choose from. Also, we're approaching swords like we do fire fans- critically thinking of how we can do our ATS/ITS moves with swords. I think it's shaping up really nicely and keeps our improv style so we don't look forced or staged. Yay for progress!



On another sunny note, I am in LOVE with haramaki (japanese belly warmers). I have currently found a fabulous pattern to make some for myself... and it's ON! I love the fact that I can use them for hiding my ill-fitting pants (which are already getting a bit snug on me) AND they look like you're wearing a cute tank top under your clothes... AND they keep your belly all warm. Triple score! Plus, they're so easy to make that I can just have like oodles and oodles of em.

:) Now I have to find some crazy fabric.

Another tough day

First off- thanks to everyone for all of the awesome energy, goodness and sympathetic posts about my ups and downs with impending mommyhood. It really helps. I'm trying my best not to be a crazy wreck of hormones combined with a bizarre cocktail of joy, excitement, fear and intimidation, but I think I'm failing a bit.

Today I had to be up at 4:30 a.m. for the monthly release event for a publication I manage here at work. No, I haven't told them yet, as I'm waiting until I've gone through my first doc's exam (this Friday). Once I do break the news, I am going to ask my co-workers to help ease the stress by having a few of them fill in for me once in a while so I don't have to pull one crazy early day per month.

Regardless of that craziness, I AM working on slowing life down during this process. I swears! I'm really proud of myself because today I finally made the call on a Kallisti gig I was waffling about. We were offered a really fun gig (unpaid) in Baltimore that just happened to coincide with the weekend that my friend, Christal, is getting married in New York. Originally, I had figured that if we could make sure the gig was done before 9 p.m. I'd be able to swing going, doing the gig, then hopping in the car and jetting up to NY, arriving there around 2-3 a.m. or so.

However, my new state of mommyhood has left me so exhausted lately that I've found myself thinking of this gig constantly and going, "yeah, that would be SO AWESOME... but... but... I think it would kill me." I kept trying to figure out ways to make it work in my brain, tried to justify to myself that I could do it, but then I'm finding myself being really in need of down time. I have the self-preservation voice that says, "no. This is something the Brooke-that's-not-a-mommy would do and it would destroy her/make her a zombie all weekend. You are not that girl, anymore."

It's a simple phrase, but it's true. I'm not that girl, anymore.

I think that's why you get treated differently... because you do change and kind of quickly. Your vision shifts from ME with maybe a bit of the SIGNIFICANT OTHER thrown in, to ME, MY FAMILY, MY BODY. It's a shift that has to occur, because there's so much going on in your body that feels like you're a plane that went on auto pilot that you can either fight and be miserable about or give in to and flow with. And right now, I've got to flow. I can't fight. Fighting is making me miserable.

I'm proud of myself for making the call, though it makes me sad to miss a gig. I really haven't missed gigs with Kallisti in the past.. (can't remember one, though I know there HAS to be one), so it feels like I'm ditching out on my dance family. But I can't put them first before my body and my health, I know that and they do, too. It's just hard, since dance has been such a primary focus for me in the past and I've done a lot of sacrificing for it (worn myself ragged, spent a ton o cash, spent tons of time trying to be The Best Dancer I Can Be). Getting knocked up is awesome in the family department, but hard to reconcile for the Lyra part of me. I don't want to give up time with Kallisti or turn down gigs, but I know that I have to shift my priorities. It's just... gggggrrrrrrrrr hard.

This whole mommy business is so awesome, but also a really hard thing to get used to. I know I'll get it down at some point, but right now I feel like I'm swamped.

And, sadly, I can't do the main thing I love to do to relax, which is have a hot bath. As, GET THIS... you can't take em when you're knocked up. Can you believe that? 100 degrees is the MAX for a bath when you're preg-o, due to worries about elevating body temperature (leading to birth defects, miscarriages, etc.)... let me tell y'all what THAT is like. Luke Warm Baby Pool.

I swear, when I have this kid, it's champagne and a hot tub for me!

Anyways, I'm leaving soon to go home, take a nap and pray that the weather holds out so I can make rehearsal.

grumpy grumpy

This stuff isn't just sunshines and unicorns, I tell ya. There are other fun aspects, too, to this preg-o stuff...

Like being exhausted. Feeling tired all the time, or ALMOST all the time. Feeling like I can never get into bed and get enough sleep. OR feeling like I try to get to sleep, but I toss and turn all night and have vivid, creepy dreams. I'm already a kind of night owl in some respects and it's been really hard to adjust to my new work schedule. Top that off with being tired all the time lately from the joys of motherhood and you've got a walking zombie who wants to pass out at 9 p.m. each night.

And I feel like a giant, fat blob. Yep, already. My body hasn't really gone up in sizes (besides my ever increasing bust), but I still feel like I'm on my way to Moby Dick country. This is backed up by fluctuating between not wanting to eat anything at all and being grossed out by food and finding myself scarfing down everything in site. It differs on a day-to-day basis.

I also feel pretty isolated. None of my friends are recently knocked up, so I feel like a lone ranger. It's good that I have friends with young children, they're a great help. But I find myself hanging around people and feeling like I'm being treated differently or I'm all of a sudden in a new category because of being knocked up. And I guess I am. But it's still a bit wierd.

And then there's the fact that work is in its busiest week ever right now, a hell week of sorts. Tons of large projects converge this week, big plans are coming to fruition and it seems like everyone thinks there's like four of me instead of one. I keep saying, "no," but I feel like no one is listening.

I just want to go home, curl up, cry and fall asleep.