If there's anything I've learned in this crazy thing called pregnancy, it's that our society has a huge expectation that women are "natural" mothers. By this I mean that we're expected to just know what all of pregnancy is like. There's no in-depth explanation guides, no dictionary-of-pregnancy per se or collective knowledge base. There is nothing scientific, no easy-answer font of wisdom where we can go to get clear cut answers or definitions.
Sure, there are TONS of books, online pregnancy sites and a million different "methods" that they try to market to us. But what I find over and over again is that none of these things are willing to give a definitive answer to anything. Instead, I find myself with scores of other women online trying to find collective answers, timidly asking about things we feel ashamed we don't know about.
What are contractions like? How do you know if you're having them?
What's the difference between effacement and dilation? Do they even mean anything in terms of labor?
How do you detect a decrease in fetal movement? What are kick counts? Should I do them?
What does it feel like when the baby "drops?"
The fact of the matter is that pregnancy is so bizarre, unpredictable and different for everyone. And I think that this randomness should be openly shared with women. We should all know that pregnancy, labor and its features are not something every woman should be expected to know every little facet of by instinct alone. And honestly, no book or guide will fully educate or prepare you. It's a complicated and interesting process that can be just as chaotic as it is scientific. I get really annoyed thinking of all of the books and gimmick "methods" out there that prey upon our fears of sucking as mothers, of doing something "wrong" to make money.
So, I've decided to share my knowledge for whatever that's worth over the next week. It may not apply for any of my friends that have had babies or are going to in the future, but it's free! And maybe through my experience, friends that come after me will be a bit less confused than I've been.
First up is contractions. I've heard a bunch of different descriptions of contractions, with everything from them being crazy, intense and awful to women who don't even realize they're having real ones until it's nearly go time for delivery. For me, I've been feeling more intense contractions lately, though I'm not sure if they're "real" ones versus Braxton-Hicks.
Braxton-Hicks for me feel like my belly getting hard and stiff. They don't hurt at all, nor do I notice them most of the time. They just seem to happen and have no rhythm, rhyme or reason to them. They feel like a balloon being fully inflated- they still have a tiny bit of give, but are mostly hard.
As for more intense contractions, mine feel like they start with my belly getting hard, then I start to feel discomfort and tightening that spreads from my back all the way to my belly button and ending in my lower abs. They're not really regular or extremely painful yet, just not comfy. And they make me stop what I"m doing and pay attention. I can't really talk or concentrate. I have to breathe til they're done. Then it's on to life as usual.
For friends that have had babies, how does my description compare to yours? I'm really interested to know what it's like for others.
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2 comments:
Braxton HIcks felt like the tightening that you described. I had those for the last 3.5 months of my pregnancy. They weren't painful, they would just happen periodically. The real labor contractions were unmistakable. I couldn't ignore them, couldn't go back to sleep, couldn't get comfortable. Honestly, the first hour of my labor contractions was the worst part. I feel like I got used to the pain (probably release of endogenous opioids as labor progressed helped lessen the pain). After a while (after the first hour of labor), the contraction was just this predictable thing that I had to breathe to get through, and I felt pretty OK in between. I do think they are different for everyone. For me, I didn't have any "warm-up" to the contractions. I was 4 cm at my last midwife appt, so when my labor started I was pretty much immediately in transition with 1 minute between contractions and feeling nauseated. I couldn't walk or talk through them. I honestly feel there is no way to predict how it will feel or how your labor will be. My labor was not what I expected at all. It was faster than I thought it would be, although I pushed longer (2 hours) than I thought I would. the pushing was also harder than I thought it would be. But overall, a very natural experience....my body just sort of took over and my mind switched off. You don't need to know what to do or what it will feel like ahead of time b/c your body "knows" what to do. Trust me, we are smart creatures.
I think alot of people agree about what Braxton Hicks feel like. I would feel my belly go rock hard and know what was happening. My labor contractions just felt like PMS cramps for a long time in the beginning. My water had been broken for about 6 hours and I still couldn't even track them. I wouldn't have even known I was in labor if they hadn't told me! What the heck? After that, I'm not a good judge, because things were moved along by the petocin, so, well, nobody wants to read what happened from there. But I agree with you and Amy, everyone's situation is different, so we can not be expected to know everything. But our bodies are amazing, and they do know what to do. And great husbands help too. Lucky you!
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