waiting game

It's so frustrating waiting to be cleared to do higher impact exercise. I understand that I had major surgery and I respect that. I'm not saying that it makes sense for me to be so frustrated right now, but I do. Before getting pregnant, I was a very active person- I danced, taught dance, did yoga, pilates and the occasional jog/run. Now, I spend most of my time sitting on a coach, feeding my daughter, watching way too much tv and knitting when I can. I know, TOUGH LIFE, but it actually is a bit like torture. I see my bellydance dvds and I yearn to get up and dance for hours, I see my yoga mat and I daydream about doing an intense yoga practice. But I can't do either of these things, as my surgery involved separating my abdominals and cutting through tons of layers of flesh, fat and uterus.

My body just feels antsy. This is only made worse by staring at myself in the mirror and not recognizing the flabby, stretch-marked belly and body that stare back at me. I've always been a curvier girl, but I've had very well defined abdominal muscles and strong things and arms from dance and yoga, so this body doesn't feel like my own. It feels like someone else hijacked my body, took it for this wild nine month spin and dumped it back on my doorstep, all odd and stretched out.

I understand that this, too, will all pass in time and I'l be back to my old self before I know it... but for now I feel like I've got cabin fever in my own skin.

I think I'm going to call my ob/gyn tomorrow and see what exercises I am cleared to do for now. Maybe I can do some low impact yoga? I'm already walking when I can, even though it's gotten pretty gross outside. I just don't know how long I can take being so sedentary.