It's freaky for me to realize I only have about 5 weeks left before I go back to work. That means only five weeks to establish a good stash of breastmilk to feed Story during the day while she's in daycare. I'm pumping as much as I can get in, when she's not eating like a crazy monster...
But there's a problem. I still have low supply. I've done everything I've felt I can to increase my supply and, though I definitely have enough to feed Story every few hours, I still only get about 4oz tops at a time when I pump. And that is only at peak pumping/supply times. I usually get about 1-2 ounces on average.
I feel like I've tried everything to get to the level that other gals I read about are at. Women on my baby boards talk about getting 8 oz or so per pumping session and I just feel so worthless. I know, it's crazy to feel worthless because I make less milk, but there ya go. I do. And I've tried so desperately to raise my output- drinking Mother's Milk teas, taking multivitamins, pumping more, anything I can do to up the ante. And though I saw some rise, I seem to have hit my plateau.
Which leaves me conflicted. If I keep on pumping religiously before I go back to work, I'll probably have enough of a stash to get Story through the first couple of weeks, up to the first month at most. I wanted to continue to exclusively breastfeed her, but I'm worried I just won't have enough stashed to be able to do that.
I've resolved myself to try as hard as I can and, if I can't make enough milk to keep up, I may consider supplimenting with formula. I don't think there's any shame in supplimenting with formula, nor do I have issues with moms that exclusively use formula. I just feel like a failure, again, for not producing as much as other women. I want so badly to only breastfeed Story, it just hurts to think I won't be able to keep it up when I go back to work.
Sigh.. off to pump again. In the meantime, I still have more wacky home remedies to try out to increase milk supply... oatmeal, anyone?
4 comments:
Hey, I think you are doing great. If you have enough milk right now to feed Story, that's all that matters. Who cares if other ladies are getting more per pumping session---if Story is eating and gaining weight and pooping and peeing, you are doing everything right and you don't have supply issues. Supply is only an issue if your baby isn't doing well! As long as you keep pumping every 3 hours at work, you should be in good shape.
I agree that you have to do what you have to do, and if you feel supplementation is going to be the best and take some stress off, go for it. That said, please don't feel worthless. Everyone's body is different, and the fact is that you won't' get as much milk with a pump as you will with your baby suckling away. When you pump at work, look at a picture of Story and think about her. That will help you get more milk.
Again, you're doing a great job Brooke. Don't sell yourself short, I don't think it sounds like you have a supply issue. A lot of the ladies that get more milk end up throwing it out, which is a waste. Just view yourself as being more efficient!!!
Hence the reason I had to quit breastfeeding. Kind of. I wasn't producing enough and my baby was getting angry and hungry. The constant pumping, breastfeeding, and hissyfits were finally too much for me. (he cried too :-)) It was hard for me too, though. We all know that breastmilk is best. But there is so much to be said for second best and quality of life. :-) So I will be the gazillionth person to tell you, this is not your fault. You are doing such a great job, and if you need to supplement, your baby will still be thriving. My pediatrician also reminded me that the first 6 weeks are the most vital concerning breastfeeding, and gettting through that is a huge success. So, congrats!
I, too, didn't produce enough for pumping. I was about 4 ozs, too. When I was home with Sarai, it was fine, because I could nurse her as needed, but pumping exclusively didn't work, so I had to supplement with formula. I felt like a bit of a failure, too, but I got over it when I realized that my Mumma needed nourishment and my job as her mom was to provide it in whatever way I needed to.
You're doing your best, Brooke. That's all that can be expected.
i am sure you'll be told this hundreds of times, but you are not a failure. When i started having my problems with BFing, i really wanted to make it to at lest 6 weeks, so i would thaw the frozen BM and mix that with formula so Ike got enough food, but my supply lasted a little longer. GL!
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