dress mischief managed

I had a very necessary revelation at Target. I kept trying on cute, skimpy dresses in my pre-preggo size (18) and having them all be way too small on me. Yet on I persisted in a bizarre form of denial, desperate to fit into a mini cocktail dress, watching my poor, gigantic boobs tryng to be stuffed into their small tops and wiggling my hips into their super-tight fabric. It was insane, I tell you.

I've always been curvier in adulthood. I love my voluptuous body and have loved dressing it (you should see my overstuffed closet), but this post pregnancy body feels like an imposter. I have tons of stretch marks and a flabby stomach and I just feel so unbalanced. I can honestly say I have never been this embarrassed about my body or wanted to cover it up so much. Does it make sense, hell no! I just had a baby 2 months ago! I gained a whopping 70 lbs+! I've lost 30+ already. So how does it make sense for me to expect to have a perfect body? It doesn't :)

So, I finally had a breaking point at Target. As I wriggled into a too small red coctail mini-dress, tears in my eyes, I said, "To hell with it! I'm going to the plus size area!" And I did.

They had tons of cute dresses, though some felt way too dowdy (I'm curvy, not an old lady!) And the other fun thing was that I had no clue just what size I am now. So I just grabbed stuff in all sizes and ran off to the dressing room. And lo and behold, some of these FIT. I am now a size 20/22 and feeling so much hotter! So what if I am still a few sizes up?

I found a really great dress, shrug, stockings asnd crazy bling shoes all on sale! I put it on when I got home and did my own fashion show, feeling awesome!

Self acceptance has always been a bit rough for me. I guess it is for everyone. But I feel like I made a lot of progress by coming to terms with my current size.

Now... I'm gonna have to hit Torrid for a MILF shopping spree!