I spoke too soon yesterday, as the rest of my day took a bad u-turn into fussy babyville. Story was nursing what felt like 24-7, with only maybe half an hour to an hour between feedings. Every time I put her down for a nap, she started wailing and was generally pissed. Even when I tried to put her down so I could take a moment to myself, to try and do a little yoga or hell, eat once in a while, she started bawling and screaming bloody murder.
I found myself breaking down and crying at multiple moments yesterday, begging Story to stop crying and pleading her at the end of each nursing to chill out and let me please please please get something to eat. Nope, she was not having it. This made me even more exhausted, upset and, at times, angry. Though the very real, adult part of my brain said, "she can't help it, she's a baby," there was the emotionally and physically drained part of me that found myself getting so annoyed with her and angry at myself for not being able to soothe her. At these times, I put her in her pack n play and did some deep breathing for a moment or two until I felt better.
I will again reiterate that I think parenting an infant is an amazing strength and character builder, it makes you a superparent. I've had to meet so many challenges with very little sleep and complete ignorance of how to solve the problem and, though at times I've felt like I can't do this, that I'm the worst parent on the planet, I've found that Story and I can figure this stuff out in the end. All I've needed to do was take a step back, breathe and allow myself to break down once in a while. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to know how to solve everything off the bat. It feels like I should be perfect, but I'm allowed to feel defeated once in a while, as long as I collect myself and jump back into the fray.
Now, in retrospect I think there were a few possible reasons for why Story was in such a terrible mood yesterday.
1) She's hit the 6 week growth spurt and is eating like crazy in order to grow.
2) I ate REALLY spicy tuna sushi for the first time in a long time and it went through my milk and upset her tummy and tastebuds (I already had a day like yesterday a week or so ago because I ate really spicy salsa.)
3) I was trying to do too much on my first day alone. I kept trying to constantly pump between feedings to increase my supply more, clean up the house a bit and do some knitting.
Whatever reason she was upset, today seems to be going better. She's still been ravenous, but she's also been happy and fun to deal with. I already resolved myself to get very little done today, besides some grocery shopping as a mental health outing (new moms NEED to get out once a day if they can, in my opinion. It helps you break free of your mommy-bubble of a house and interact with actual speaking humans...), but besides that I plan on being lazy and feeding Story as much as she needs it, no worries about pumping or anything else.
Now, to address the title of this post...
In order to feed S and continue to pump, I tried out the wacky idea of feeding her on one breast and pumping the other at the same time. What resulted was the most amusing thing I've seen in a long time.
As soon as the pump starts going, S goes from being awake and engaged to heavy-lidded, lethargic and sleepy. The sound of the pump put her to sleep! No kidding! She completely conked out! She then woke up when I turned it off, so I put her on her boppy and turned it on again. The result? You got it, totally sleepy baby!
She is currently in her pack-n-play and taking a nap, which is AMAZING. It's so funny what works at soothing babies. Seriously, they are the BEST science experiment ever!
Ok, off to do Yoga while she's still sleeping :)
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4 comments:
That's one of those "tell it to her future partner" stories.
Ah, that sounds exactly like the first 9 weeks with H. Constant eating, although there were days when I would have killed to get an hour between feedings! I understand the frustration, and I think it's courageous of you to admit the anger part of it. I think it's natural to feel frustrated about it when you have to sacrifice so much of your time for this little person. Because eating is essential, I would put H down long enough to fix something that could be eaten with one hand so that I could nurse him with the other hand while I ate. Most of my meals during the first 9 weeks were consumed while nursing him. I can't tell you the number of times I'd accidentally drip condiments or crumbs in his hair! eheh. The exercise part of it is tough, and honestly, I still haven't been able to find time to commit to regular exercise. It is *so* frustrating, especially when you want to get back in shape again. I haven't found a good solution for this. The best I can figure is that I exercise whenever I can (which isn't often), and I have to be OK with the interruptions and the fact that I can't do things like I used to. I'm still working on being totally OK with it. I took H to a postnatal yoga class once, and the instructor said that part of this stage is realizing that we have to still be able to find some calm and some peace even through the whining and crying. And so we did our practice amongst the howling and sometimes outright screaming of our babies. She wanted to show us that the absolute perfect peace and quiet of our pre-baby days was gone and that we have to find a way to decompress in what can sometimes be a difficult environment in which to relax! I think it's great that you step away and take some breaths. You are doing great Brooke! And as for the constant nursing, it will ease up soon, you are almost through the worst of it.
Sheesh, I always leave long-winded comments, sorry!!
Mine loves the vacuum. I may soon have the cleanest ever.
That was supposed to say "cleanest carpet ever".
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