Nesting is a funny funny thing

I think it's safe to say that both Tim and myself are in the AAAAAAAAAAAAH Nesting phase. Though I will freely admit that I'm in much more of a hyper mode, we're both finding ourselves a bit antsy over the very near future arrival of our daughter.

For those not in-the-know, "nesting" is a term in the parenting/baby-focused world regarding the period in the last few months of gestation in which the extreme, guttural urge to prepare your home and space for your impending spawn completely takes over your life. You find yourself in a focused state wherein all of your surroundings are scrutinized and your brain becomes a series of to-do and to-buy lists. The tiniest of chores or items to be acquired become big worries, making each day that ticks by another day lost, another day where you are more and more ill prepared to be a parent.

The impact that nesting has had on me has been dramatic. I think I told myself I wouldn't be "one of those people," but oh yes, yes I am. I am finding myself driven to wash all of the baby's sheets, curtains and clothing, to fold and prepare them and clean them, even though I still have seven weeks left. I find myself standing in the middle of the baby's room, just staring, thinking, "OH MY GOD I AM SO NOT READY FOR THIS," not knowing just how much time has elapsed since I entered the room. I am constantly scanning craigslist and ebay, terrified that we'll forget to buy some big item or that my crib set will fall through (it's being handed down from my sister's sister-in-law, who is still using it for her toddler.) I am looking all around and finding clutter, clutter everywhere. I am just so damned scared I'm ill prepared.

But it's not just anxiety. It's excitement. I'm putting the sheets in the porta-crib because I just want to see what the room would look like in stasis, waiting for the girl. I keep hugging the baby clothes, smelling them and wondering what it will be like to have them filled with a little person. I have cleaned the bottles already and, even though I won't use them until the daughterling is a month or so old anyways, I keep picking them up and smiling at the idea of putting them to use. It's just so magical, like waiting for the best Christmas ever.

It's just so hard. Because I can feel it, it's like the whole universe and the air and everything are whispering, "soon, soon!" And having to wait is making me both giddy with excitement and wild with anxiety.

I think of the term "nesting" and I wonder if birds feel this way, too. I don't know. I think it may just be some crazy human thing we made up, just another piece of static for our daily chatter. But boy, it sure feels like a tangible, hard-wired set of reactions to me. Primal and bizarre.