The Changing of the Guard

I finally did it yesterday. I packed up all of my pre-pregnant clothes that no longer fit me and my swelling belly. This was a very hard task for me, as it represented so many things.

Firstly, that I have gotten so much bigger that all of the form-fitting, sleek and sexy tops I loved wearing before have to be relegated to storage. Though I've never been twiggy or anything, I've always prided myself in my Marilyn Monroe curviness and hourglass figure. Now that I'm starting to go more towards Violet Beauregard a la Willy Wonka, it's both exciting and a bit depressing. It's really awesome to feel like I look like a mommy, but sad to feel like I'm losing my sassy, sexy, pre-baby self.

Secondly, it really solidified how real this all is. Sure, being pregnant is an all-day, every day kind of thing, but there are times when I just sort of settle into being pregnant and forget the whole, "OMG new human life you'll have to rear and not just carry around with you everywhere you go automatically," kind of thing. So, that's a bit scary.

On another level, it makes me see how many clothes I buy that I either forget owning or could care less about. This makes me feel like a wasteful, fiscally flippant woman who is prey to whatever latest fashion is forced on her. I can't say how many times I found myself going, "oh wow... I own THIS?" It was kind of sad. But also awesome because I discovered a lot of great items I forgot I bought and am now reveling in pretty and flattering pregnancy clothing.

But on the whole, it feels refreshing and great. It feels like I am owning motherhood more, that I have thrown off the denial of the me I was before and am surging ahead, full-sail into being a mommy. And dealing with all my crap that I had ignored for months makes me feel like I am taking charge of my old, bad ways and creating new, more efficient ones. Go me!

sigh... but I still need more cute pregnancy clothes. Because putting all the other stuff away made me realize that I now technically have about two pairs of pants and six shirts total that I can wear to work. EEK!