As of this Saturday, I am 30 weeks pregnant. That is one big number. Especially when you think that normal gestation is around 40 weeks or so (some say 38). Yipes! The number itself has me daunted a bit and has set me in motion for what some call "nesting."
The term "nesting" applies to the female instinct, usually occurring in the last stages of pregnancy, to set into motion plans to create an optimal environment for her offspring. This feeling can, apparently, effect the male as well, causing a surge and flurry of activity to turn their home into a baby-welcoming sanctuary.
Now, I'm not sure I buy the "nesting" idea as an instinct. It comes a bit too close to the "women were made to be maternal" and the "the drive to be a mother is a natural instinct in women" for my feminist self. However, I think of nesting being a natural, psychological reaction to welcoming a new life into your world. I think it's only logical and necessary, whether you're a female or male, to freak out and say, "OMG we're going to have this little kid thing here in t-minus 3...2...1."
Well, whatever it's called, it's hit Tim and I. We've cleared out his old DJ room, moved him and myself into a new brooke/tim office space and spackled/painted the baby's room. We've also started to think of furniture and its placement, as well as cute wall decals and whatnot. I have started work on several soakers for my cloth diapering and am no longer buying maternity clothes, since I've only got a little over two months left. This week/weekend will entail the first round of washing baby clothes to have them all ready, as well as planning the seat cushion construction for the built in toy chest (that already existed in tim's old dj room/new baby room). I'm also working out my Doula situation and getting ready to go to bi-weekly doctors appointments in the next two weeks.
All is a-buzz! It feels invigorating and scary. But mostly invigorating.
And, finally, in the funniest aspect of things.. I have gained 30lbs so far! What's funny is that it's all belly/ta-ta weight, folks. All of my pre preg shirts and pants still fit just fine, if you discount the belly area. But 30lbs is just one odd number to think of. That's like one pound per week total so far! cuh-razee! I seriously don't know where it's all going... well I do, because I got this handout, but that doesn't mean I believe it! My wager is that, all told, I'll end up 50lbs up on my pre-pregnant weight. Anyone wanna take bets?
:) speaking of which, man I could use some tacos!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Ups, downs and revelations
It's been a very topsy/turvy week in preggoLand.
Woke up on Saturday with itchy, painful ears that have since bloomed into full-on ear infections (of which I'm currently on Amoxycillan to clear it up.) Tim and I went to a RIDICULOUSLY CHEESY birthing class, wherein the instructor was not only ill-equipped to teach physical actions to people and the content was new-aged crap. Have had upheavals and hard days here at work tag-teamed with a huge influx of jobs and projects to pump out. Life is busy busy busy and I feel my nesting instinct kicking in, driving me to get the house ready for our new gal who is less than three months away from arriving!
On the good sides, I've had some awesome times, too. Tim and I have taken up date nights that include playing Star Wars monopoly and being silly. I've had some great times teaching students and watching them grow as dancers. Our girl is an every bigger, ever more present part of my life as she kicks away and moves. I'm feeling energized to be in the final stretch of pregnancy.
To cap off this crazy time, today I had my glucose tolerance test. This is a delightful test in which they give you this nasty orange glucose drink (that tastes like a big thing of melted icey pops) and draw your blood an hour later. I did the deed, then got over to my doc's to have them do a follow up visit and blood drawing. I had a hunch that they would forget that, since I'm a hospital employee, I get my blood drawn in our hospital lab since it's free. And yep, bingo! I show up and they're freaking out, because I have to have my blood drawn in ten minutes or I have to come back another day. So, I overhear them saying, "well, could she just pay the co-pay?" and I was like, "YES! YES I hear you and yes I don't want to do this again. I'll play the co-pay just to get it over with!" So I did and all was well.
One thing to note is that I was apprehensive to go to the doctor's visit today. This is because the doc I was scheduled to see was none other than the doctor who was a total jerk to me when I miscarried. When I called and was frantic on the phone about what I could do to stop it, he said,"You're having a miscarriage. You're just going to have to deal with it." I couldn't believe it. It was just awful how blunt and cold he was. Since, I've told myself that I was never EVER going to see him again and I wouldn't dare let him deliver this baby.
Well, I noticed yesterday that I was slated to see him and it was too late to change my appointment. So, I said to myself, "Well, you have two options. Put on your mental armor and see the guy or your baby doesn't get its check up it's supposed to have." I decided it's more important to be a good parent than to back away from someone I have issues with. Plus, I kept telling myself that maybe it was a case of bad-situation-bad-response and that maybe I was supposed to see him again for a reason, to learn to let go of my past bile and forgive him.
The rest of the story is pretty simple. I went to see him and he was an incredibly kind, compassionate and caring doctor. He was charming, sweet and excited to finally have someone having a girl come through today (he'd seen only women expecting boys) and was talking to me about pediatricians and how to find them, as well as laughing about my glucose test. From the moment I sat in his office, I let my anger melt away and was happy to find him to be a really cool guy. So, I guess it was just a bad situation. I guess he was on the phone and said the only thing he could and didn't mean to be so cruel. I'm really glad I went today, because I shed a little bit of hurt and anger, a lump of poison I'd carried for years. Forgiving is awesome.
Anyways, I'm finding more and more that, at least in my opinion, the universe wants us all to be compassionate, to forgive and offer second chances to ourselves and to others. By letting go of anger and confronting people who've harmed us, we have a chance to slough away some of the scars we carry on our hearts. I'm really glad I lost one today.
On with the rest of my day. It's another date/grocery night tonight, with the promise of bahama burgers and piping hot cookies and cold, cold milk.
Woke up on Saturday with itchy, painful ears that have since bloomed into full-on ear infections (of which I'm currently on Amoxycillan to clear it up.) Tim and I went to a RIDICULOUSLY CHEESY birthing class, wherein the instructor was not only ill-equipped to teach physical actions to people and the content was new-aged crap. Have had upheavals and hard days here at work tag-teamed with a huge influx of jobs and projects to pump out. Life is busy busy busy and I feel my nesting instinct kicking in, driving me to get the house ready for our new gal who is less than three months away from arriving!
On the good sides, I've had some awesome times, too. Tim and I have taken up date nights that include playing Star Wars monopoly and being silly. I've had some great times teaching students and watching them grow as dancers. Our girl is an every bigger, ever more present part of my life as she kicks away and moves. I'm feeling energized to be in the final stretch of pregnancy.
To cap off this crazy time, today I had my glucose tolerance test. This is a delightful test in which they give you this nasty orange glucose drink (that tastes like a big thing of melted icey pops) and draw your blood an hour later. I did the deed, then got over to my doc's to have them do a follow up visit and blood drawing. I had a hunch that they would forget that, since I'm a hospital employee, I get my blood drawn in our hospital lab since it's free. And yep, bingo! I show up and they're freaking out, because I have to have my blood drawn in ten minutes or I have to come back another day. So, I overhear them saying, "well, could she just pay the co-pay?" and I was like, "YES! YES I hear you and yes I don't want to do this again. I'll play the co-pay just to get it over with!" So I did and all was well.
One thing to note is that I was apprehensive to go to the doctor's visit today. This is because the doc I was scheduled to see was none other than the doctor who was a total jerk to me when I miscarried. When I called and was frantic on the phone about what I could do to stop it, he said,"You're having a miscarriage. You're just going to have to deal with it." I couldn't believe it. It was just awful how blunt and cold he was. Since, I've told myself that I was never EVER going to see him again and I wouldn't dare let him deliver this baby.
Well, I noticed yesterday that I was slated to see him and it was too late to change my appointment. So, I said to myself, "Well, you have two options. Put on your mental armor and see the guy or your baby doesn't get its check up it's supposed to have." I decided it's more important to be a good parent than to back away from someone I have issues with. Plus, I kept telling myself that maybe it was a case of bad-situation-bad-response and that maybe I was supposed to see him again for a reason, to learn to let go of my past bile and forgive him.
The rest of the story is pretty simple. I went to see him and he was an incredibly kind, compassionate and caring doctor. He was charming, sweet and excited to finally have someone having a girl come through today (he'd seen only women expecting boys) and was talking to me about pediatricians and how to find them, as well as laughing about my glucose test. From the moment I sat in his office, I let my anger melt away and was happy to find him to be a really cool guy. So, I guess it was just a bad situation. I guess he was on the phone and said the only thing he could and didn't mean to be so cruel. I'm really glad I went today, because I shed a little bit of hurt and anger, a lump of poison I'd carried for years. Forgiving is awesome.
Anyways, I'm finding more and more that, at least in my opinion, the universe wants us all to be compassionate, to forgive and offer second chances to ourselves and to others. By letting go of anger and confronting people who've harmed us, we have a chance to slough away some of the scars we carry on our hearts. I'm really glad I lost one today.
On with the rest of my day. It's another date/grocery night tonight, with the promise of bahama burgers and piping hot cookies and cold, cold milk.
Friday, August 1, 2008
gifts from hard times
Tim came home last night with a large bag full of amazing, all new and never used gifts from a co-worker: tons of cute pink and bunny-ladened footsie onesies for 0-6 month babies, a cozy fleece sleeper set, cute knit hats, teething toys, a feeding/bowl set and some other goodies (I'll post a Flickr picture of the lot in a few days.) As I removed each piece, I kept feeling so blessed to have such caring, giving people around us. I also felt the giddiness of imagining that in less than three months we'll have a little daughterling to fill all these clothes.
The only bittersweet part is how we came to have them. This co-worker's good friend was expecting a girl and ended up having a miscarriage. So, she's held onto all this stuff for a long time, unable to donate or throw it away. Then, when she heard we were expecting a girl, she saw it as the right time to pass them along.
This is not the first round of gifts we've received due to another's misfortune. And though I feel so honored to have people pass along these items, these little things that used to be attached to their own thread of promise and memories to come, it's a bit hard. Because looking at them makes me realize how nothing is a given, how everything can change at a split second and how having a child is one of the biggest acts of faith a person can take on.
Before I had my miscarriage, I thought that babies were this thing you just had, that they were easy to come by, for most people and once you got preggo, BOOM... you have a baby. But after my experience, I realized that every one of us living and breathing on this earth had to go through so many tiny obstacles, so many chances of everything going wrong, that we really are miracles. That's cheesy, I know, but it's true. We all went through the challenge course of possible birth defects, malformation, exposure to illnesses that could cause miscarriages, preterm labor, leaking of fluid, stillbirth and all the other myriad issues that cause children to not be born into this world as expected.
And I know all those things are morbid. Sorry for the buzzkill. But actually, I see them as a big positive as well. If you are here on this Earth, right now, it's because a lot of little things aligned to get you here safely, a lot of chance, a lot of faith. Whether you believe in anything or not, you're here and that's amazing.
Holding these gifts from hard times, I feel a sense of power. I have been in those depths of loss and regret and I am emerging to have a healthy daughter. I don't know how I know it, but I just do. This time, I feel that things will be different. All has gone well up to this point, minus a scare or two. But when she does get here, she can rest assured knowing that, unlike some people in this world, she was hoped for, battled for and supported by the good energy and well wishes of a community of people. And that rocks.
The only bittersweet part is how we came to have them. This co-worker's good friend was expecting a girl and ended up having a miscarriage. So, she's held onto all this stuff for a long time, unable to donate or throw it away. Then, when she heard we were expecting a girl, she saw it as the right time to pass them along.
This is not the first round of gifts we've received due to another's misfortune. And though I feel so honored to have people pass along these items, these little things that used to be attached to their own thread of promise and memories to come, it's a bit hard. Because looking at them makes me realize how nothing is a given, how everything can change at a split second and how having a child is one of the biggest acts of faith a person can take on.
Before I had my miscarriage, I thought that babies were this thing you just had, that they were easy to come by, for most people and once you got preggo, BOOM... you have a baby. But after my experience, I realized that every one of us living and breathing on this earth had to go through so many tiny obstacles, so many chances of everything going wrong, that we really are miracles. That's cheesy, I know, but it's true. We all went through the challenge course of possible birth defects, malformation, exposure to illnesses that could cause miscarriages, preterm labor, leaking of fluid, stillbirth and all the other myriad issues that cause children to not be born into this world as expected.
And I know all those things are morbid. Sorry for the buzzkill. But actually, I see them as a big positive as well. If you are here on this Earth, right now, it's because a lot of little things aligned to get you here safely, a lot of chance, a lot of faith. Whether you believe in anything or not, you're here and that's amazing.
Holding these gifts from hard times, I feel a sense of power. I have been in those depths of loss and regret and I am emerging to have a healthy daughter. I don't know how I know it, but I just do. This time, I feel that things will be different. All has gone well up to this point, minus a scare or two. But when she does get here, she can rest assured knowing that, unlike some people in this world, she was hoped for, battled for and supported by the good energy and well wishes of a community of people. And that rocks.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Thank GOD for Tim
I'm working from home today, watching Discovery Health while getting some design done. I have to admit to being one of those moms-to-be who is really fascinated with watching births, to try and gather as much info on what it will be like to actually give birth. Sure, I know every birth is a bit different and who knows what I'll go through. But I think the process of birth is so amazing that I just love watching them and cheering for the moms.
So, the show Birth Diaries is on, a show that follows parents from the third trimester or so to birth and the first few weeks at home. Today's episode features a woman having her second son who has the MOST JERKISH husband on the planet. It's like every moment on the show this guy gets worse, says or does something that makes him even more repulsive. First thing was his one-on-one interview with the camera in which he talked about how disgusting birth was and how there was no way he was going to look at his wife's vagina during birth. That he was so sick just thinking about it that he was contemplating not being in the room. Wow, what a winner. Because it's not about your wife being an amazing life force or anything, it's about you not having to witness the vagina in any other form than a sex object. Good job, buddy.
THEN the wife is one-on-one with the camera, talking about how she's worried she'll run over the due date. Why? Well because her husband has a bachelor party scheduled for three days after her due date and will be upset at her if he misses it. Then, cut to the husband talking about how he's so excited about this bachelor party, how it's his only chance to have a few beers with some old friends and how great it's going to be. WOW. First off, buddy, how is a bachelor party more important than your baby being born? And also, how dare you tell your wife that you are GOING to make that bachelor party, no matter what? Um, HELLO! The first few days after a baby comes are really rough and both parents are needed. Also, how is it fair that YOU, the father, get to do whatever you want while the mother has to be the baby caregiver? Just so wrong.
THEN... oh then. The delivery.
The husband is there in the room with the wife, her mom and her sister, looking so annoyed and rolling his eyes. He keeps glancing down at her vagina as she pushes and talking about how he's nauseous and going to be sick. He keeps on talking about how he can't handle this. THEN... his cell phone rings and he actually answers it! And who could it be, folks? One of his buddies calling to see if he'll make the bachelor party tomorrow. And what does he do? Talks to him! While the docs are saying, "here's the head...it's coming... just another push or so," this jerkface is talking to his bro on his cell about the party he might miss. UGH.
Honestly, this just makes me so glad I've got Tim. He's such a caring, awesome feminist husband who WANTS to see the birth, wants to be my companion and help me take care of our daughter. I am so so so glad I didn't marry someone like this guy.
Anyways, that's just a little rant. Dudes: being a father does not mean assuming some man-role in the house. It means being a co-parent, on equal terms with your wife and helping wherever you can. And the female body is awesome and amazing. You don't have to watch the birth and there's nothing wrong with admitting that you're a queasy kind of guy. But be supportive, don't complain during birth and try to be the best person you can.
the end.
So, the show Birth Diaries is on, a show that follows parents from the third trimester or so to birth and the first few weeks at home. Today's episode features a woman having her second son who has the MOST JERKISH husband on the planet. It's like every moment on the show this guy gets worse, says or does something that makes him even more repulsive. First thing was his one-on-one interview with the camera in which he talked about how disgusting birth was and how there was no way he was going to look at his wife's vagina during birth. That he was so sick just thinking about it that he was contemplating not being in the room. Wow, what a winner. Because it's not about your wife being an amazing life force or anything, it's about you not having to witness the vagina in any other form than a sex object. Good job, buddy.
THEN the wife is one-on-one with the camera, talking about how she's worried she'll run over the due date. Why? Well because her husband has a bachelor party scheduled for three days after her due date and will be upset at her if he misses it. Then, cut to the husband talking about how he's so excited about this bachelor party, how it's his only chance to have a few beers with some old friends and how great it's going to be. WOW. First off, buddy, how is a bachelor party more important than your baby being born? And also, how dare you tell your wife that you are GOING to make that bachelor party, no matter what? Um, HELLO! The first few days after a baby comes are really rough and both parents are needed. Also, how is it fair that YOU, the father, get to do whatever you want while the mother has to be the baby caregiver? Just so wrong.
THEN... oh then. The delivery.
The husband is there in the room with the wife, her mom and her sister, looking so annoyed and rolling his eyes. He keeps glancing down at her vagina as she pushes and talking about how he's nauseous and going to be sick. He keeps on talking about how he can't handle this. THEN... his cell phone rings and he actually answers it! And who could it be, folks? One of his buddies calling to see if he'll make the bachelor party tomorrow. And what does he do? Talks to him! While the docs are saying, "here's the head...it's coming... just another push or so," this jerkface is talking to his bro on his cell about the party he might miss. UGH.
Honestly, this just makes me so glad I've got Tim. He's such a caring, awesome feminist husband who WANTS to see the birth, wants to be my companion and help me take care of our daughter. I am so so so glad I didn't marry someone like this guy.
Anyways, that's just a little rant. Dudes: being a father does not mean assuming some man-role in the house. It means being a co-parent, on equal terms with your wife and helping wherever you can. And the female body is awesome and amazing. You don't have to watch the birth and there's nothing wrong with admitting that you're a queasy kind of guy. But be supportive, don't complain during birth and try to be the best person you can.
the end.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Heartburn is Mean :(
Well, kids, it's that special time.
My uterus has now grown above my belly button and is, in turn, compressing my stomach. This means that I am now back experiencing the joy that is heartburn. I feel like no matter what I eat, I'm finding myself full of stomach funk and nastiness. I think I'm going to have to resort back to bringing coke and pickles to work so I can get through the day again.
This would be much less of a pain if I also didn't have extreme hunger, especially in the morning. I am like a little hobbit now, with my Breakfast and 2nd Breakfasts, finding that I'm primarily hungry in the morning and only eating my normal amount at night (still a bit elevated, since I'm now in the "growing 1 pound per week" stage.) I find myself extremely ravenous during the morning, eating everything in site, only to then feel really sick/reflux ridden about a half hour later. It's just not fair.
Dear Baby-
Please work your magic and try to help me not have so much heartburn.
Thanks,
Your Mom
PS- can we stop it with the cankles, too? I look like a grody old woman.
My uterus has now grown above my belly button and is, in turn, compressing my stomach. This means that I am now back experiencing the joy that is heartburn. I feel like no matter what I eat, I'm finding myself full of stomach funk and nastiness. I think I'm going to have to resort back to bringing coke and pickles to work so I can get through the day again.
This would be much less of a pain if I also didn't have extreme hunger, especially in the morning. I am like a little hobbit now, with my Breakfast and 2nd Breakfasts, finding that I'm primarily hungry in the morning and only eating my normal amount at night (still a bit elevated, since I'm now in the "growing 1 pound per week" stage.) I find myself extremely ravenous during the morning, eating everything in site, only to then feel really sick/reflux ridden about a half hour later. It's just not fair.
Dear Baby-
Please work your magic and try to help me not have so much heartburn.
Thanks,
Your Mom
PS- can we stop it with the cankles, too? I look like a grody old woman.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
the name game
One of the questions that inevitably comes up all the time when you're pregnant is... "Do you know what you're going to name the baby?" It's done in kindness and is all out of the community desire to bring babies into the world in a loved and supportive environment, but it can be hard at times.
Tim and I had, originally, "known" what we would name a girl baby if we had one. For a few years now, we were really sold on one name that we both liked. Then, I found myself not being too hot on it for several reasons, one of which being that I worked with someone who had the name as her last name and it just seemed weird. Also, I have such a deep-rooted desire to be unique (for better or for worse) that I just felt like I wanted something new.
So we came up with a short list of names and started sharing them with friends and family. NOT so good idea. Mostly because, while friends can be supportive and awesome, family generally has a bit more invested and can lean towards the pushier side of things. For instance, having my mom outright say, "oh I HATE the name Olivia. I don't like it at all," was honest, but fairly inappropriate. I quipped back, with similar sass, "Watch it, woman. You're only selling me on that one more and more." I love my mom to death and know that she's just being her honest, blunt self. But lord, it's our kid!
So, in the end, we've decided to make a list of names and figure out what we're calling the gal after we've seen her. We're also making it clear to family that we're not really interested in any more negative feedback on names. If you ask to hear them, then be supportive of what we tell you or you're out of the name loop from here on out. Because it's our kid and she's gonna be named whatever we feel like anyways. We have no problem with people picking one or two from our list and saying, "I really like that one!" However, dissing one of our names is a no-go.
For fun, I'm going to use this post as a compiling place for possible names for the larva. Partly because I don't want to forget one and also as an archive for her later on... it's always neat to see the things you could have been named! Feel free to comment on ones you like.
So, without further ado..
THE LIST
Olivia
Delaney
Maya
Magdalene
Daveigh
Tim and I had, originally, "known" what we would name a girl baby if we had one. For a few years now, we were really sold on one name that we both liked. Then, I found myself not being too hot on it for several reasons, one of which being that I worked with someone who had the name as her last name and it just seemed weird. Also, I have such a deep-rooted desire to be unique (for better or for worse) that I just felt like I wanted something new.
So we came up with a short list of names and started sharing them with friends and family. NOT so good idea. Mostly because, while friends can be supportive and awesome, family generally has a bit more invested and can lean towards the pushier side of things. For instance, having my mom outright say, "oh I HATE the name Olivia. I don't like it at all," was honest, but fairly inappropriate. I quipped back, with similar sass, "Watch it, woman. You're only selling me on that one more and more." I love my mom to death and know that she's just being her honest, blunt self. But lord, it's our kid!
So, in the end, we've decided to make a list of names and figure out what we're calling the gal after we've seen her. We're also making it clear to family that we're not really interested in any more negative feedback on names. If you ask to hear them, then be supportive of what we tell you or you're out of the name loop from here on out. Because it's our kid and she's gonna be named whatever we feel like anyways. We have no problem with people picking one or two from our list and saying, "I really like that one!" However, dissing one of our names is a no-go.
For fun, I'm going to use this post as a compiling place for possible names for the larva. Partly because I don't want to forget one and also as an archive for her later on... it's always neat to see the things you could have been named! Feel free to comment on ones you like.
So, without further ado..
THE LIST
Olivia
Delaney
Maya
Magdalene
Daveigh
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Kick Monster
Our little miss is a bonafide Kick Monster. A few weeks ago, I kept wishing to just feel something and now I am afraid I am getting my comeuppance.
She seems to enjoy kicking me after several occasions: 1) when I've had a lot of sugar (which makes me feel a bit bad for getting her all amped up) 2) when I'm relaxed at home or trying to sleep and, most funnily/annoyingly 3) when I really have to pee. On the third occasion, I imagine her saying, "OMG! Go to the bathroom, woman! I've got little enough space here as it is without you hogging it all up with your bladder!"
It's ok, though. It's pretty damned cool!
I just called Tim and told him that he had to have a talk with his daughter about the fact that I am trying to get work done and am being distracted by her kicking episode. So I held the phone to my belly and he told her that Mommy was doing very important work and she needed to stop kicking for a bit.
It worked! See, already she listens to him way more than she does to me. So it goes!
She seems to enjoy kicking me after several occasions: 1) when I've had a lot of sugar (which makes me feel a bit bad for getting her all amped up) 2) when I'm relaxed at home or trying to sleep and, most funnily/annoyingly 3) when I really have to pee. On the third occasion, I imagine her saying, "OMG! Go to the bathroom, woman! I've got little enough space here as it is without you hogging it all up with your bladder!"
It's ok, though. It's pretty damned cool!
I just called Tim and told him that he had to have a talk with his daughter about the fact that I am trying to get work done and am being distracted by her kicking episode. So I held the phone to my belly and he told her that Mommy was doing very important work and she needed to stop kicking for a bit.
It worked! See, already she listens to him way more than she does to me. So it goes!
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