Ups, downs and revelations

It's been a very topsy/turvy week in preggoLand.

Woke up on Saturday with itchy, painful ears that have since bloomed into full-on ear infections (of which I'm currently on Amoxycillan to clear it up.) Tim and I went to a RIDICULOUSLY CHEESY birthing class, wherein the instructor was not only ill-equipped to teach physical actions to people and the content was new-aged crap. Have had upheavals and hard days here at work tag-teamed with a huge influx of jobs and projects to pump out. Life is busy busy busy and I feel my nesting instinct kicking in, driving me to get the house ready for our new gal who is less than three months away from arriving!

On the good sides, I've had some awesome times, too. Tim and I have taken up date nights that include playing Star Wars monopoly and being silly. I've had some great times teaching students and watching them grow as dancers. Our girl is an every bigger, ever more present part of my life as she kicks away and moves. I'm feeling energized to be in the final stretch of pregnancy.

To cap off this crazy time, today I had my glucose tolerance test. This is a delightful test in which they give you this nasty orange glucose drink (that tastes like a big thing of melted icey pops) and draw your blood an hour later. I did the deed, then got over to my doc's to have them do a follow up visit and blood drawing. I had a hunch that they would forget that, since I'm a hospital employee, I get my blood drawn in our hospital lab since it's free. And yep, bingo! I show up and they're freaking out, because I have to have my blood drawn in ten minutes or I have to come back another day. So, I overhear them saying, "well, could she just pay the co-pay?" and I was like, "YES! YES I hear you and yes I don't want to do this again. I'll play the co-pay just to get it over with!" So I did and all was well.

One thing to note is that I was apprehensive to go to the doctor's visit today. This is because the doc I was scheduled to see was none other than the doctor who was a total jerk to me when I miscarried. When I called and was frantic on the phone about what I could do to stop it, he said,"You're having a miscarriage. You're just going to have to deal with it." I couldn't believe it. It was just awful how blunt and cold he was. Since, I've told myself that I was never EVER going to see him again and I wouldn't dare let him deliver this baby.

Well, I noticed yesterday that I was slated to see him and it was too late to change my appointment. So, I said to myself, "Well, you have two options. Put on your mental armor and see the guy or your baby doesn't get its check up it's supposed to have." I decided it's more important to be a good parent than to back away from someone I have issues with. Plus, I kept telling myself that maybe it was a case of bad-situation-bad-response and that maybe I was supposed to see him again for a reason, to learn to let go of my past bile and forgive him.

The rest of the story is pretty simple. I went to see him and he was an incredibly kind, compassionate and caring doctor. He was charming, sweet and excited to finally have someone having a girl come through today (he'd seen only women expecting boys) and was talking to me about pediatricians and how to find them, as well as laughing about my glucose test. From the moment I sat in his office, I let my anger melt away and was happy to find him to be a really cool guy. So, I guess it was just a bad situation. I guess he was on the phone and said the only thing he could and didn't mean to be so cruel. I'm really glad I went today, because I shed a little bit of hurt and anger, a lump of poison I'd carried for years. Forgiving is awesome.

Anyways, I'm finding more and more that, at least in my opinion, the universe wants us all to be compassionate, to forgive and offer second chances to ourselves and to others. By letting go of anger and confronting people who've harmed us, we have a chance to slough away some of the scars we carry on our hearts. I'm really glad I lost one today.

On with the rest of my day. It's another date/grocery night tonight, with the promise of bahama burgers and piping hot cookies and cold, cold milk.