or forgotten milk, more like.
Every day, I wake up early and stap on my pump, so I can start the process of getting Story's milk for the next daycare day. I then sit for 20 minutes, feeling very bovine, until the timer runs out. Then, I look at my yield, calculate how many more times I'll have to pump, then try to schedule it into my work day. Repeat.
Well, work lately has been meeting central, so it's been hard for me to find time to get away to pump. Thusly, my supply and yield has dropped. So, I'm now trying even harder, taking more supplements and feeling bad about it. Add to this that I'm trying to get stuff together for a fancy dinner I have to go to for work and everything is all weird.
The idea being, you don't stray from the schedule. As a parent, the schedule is what keeps me sane.
Well, the schedule was thrown out the window last night. Firstly, because I found out that the place we make our ready-to-eat dinners at is closing. Then, I decided to try and find shoes for the event on Saturday, which was also a wash. At that point, I decided to cut my losses and just go home. Tim had flipflopped with me and picked up Story, so I had a nice, warm house, hubby and baby to get to.
And all my milk from that day? Well, usually I come home, juggling Story and go straight to the refrigerator with it. But last night was odd. I came home to the buzz of activity and my dress for the event having arrived, so I got distracted. Then, later on that night, I thought, "Don't forget to put the milk away!" But, of course, I forgot.
This morning, when getting up to pump, I found all of my milk still in the living room in my cooler pack. Ruined. There's no way in hell I can give it to Story. I opened the bag and literally started sobbing. Why? Well, because it is so hard right now for me to keep her partially breast milk fed at work. I try so hard to adhere to a schedule, drink tons of water, take supplements, anything I can do to try and get a measly 12-16oz a day. And when I do, I hate to admit it, but it IS like liquid gold. So, to leave it out all night and realize today that I've failed Story just totally sucks.
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1 comment:
Aww.....I would have sobbed too! Pumping is so much work and the fact that you're still keeping up with it is commendable. ANY breastmilk that Story gets is fabulous, so don't be down that she is getting 12-16 oz. of the good stuff each day. That's excellent!
Breastfeeding is certainly a tough gig. I have ANOTHER clogged duct and this time it's a lot less responsive to my attempts to get things moving along. So painful and so frustrating!
You're doing great Brooke, but I know you must have been so disappointed and heartbroken to have to throw out all that milk that you worked so hard for.
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